My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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