I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
