having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He had one of those small greek statue penises
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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