So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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