you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
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I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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