2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
