So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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