he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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