dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
