Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day šš#pensacolaproblems
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Yea and thereās destruction when weāre together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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