I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
