cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I wish you could order shots online.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
