Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
