I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
