I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize