so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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