if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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