Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
