Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
