You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
