ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
