Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
