So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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