I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
