I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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