Only a mothe r could love this liver
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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