I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
