You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
