Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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