watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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