May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
