woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She even gives head with a lisp.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
