i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
