id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
So apparently I’m into choking now
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