I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Randomize
