there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
