he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
