Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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