I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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