3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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