I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
