Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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