When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
