Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
