ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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