they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Randomize
