my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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