I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
