I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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