Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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