I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
