Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
