biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
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