It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Bring me that man meat
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
