last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
