tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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