Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Oh god it's open bar.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
