Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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