I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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