Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
