i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
