I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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