What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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