The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I think people are normalizing furries
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
