there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
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