I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
