thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
