I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize