Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
