the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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