If i come over, it means nothing
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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