I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
