You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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